The sheer amount of loneliness I've begun to feel lately is suffocating me.

I feel like I'm being outshined by everyone. My sister is becoming involved in the community theatre, dancing, doing cheerleading, piano lessons.. What am I doing? Nothing. I'm working two jobs and hating every minute of it. I remember when that used to be me. Involved in everything and feeling like I was actually accomplishing something. Now I feel like I'm failing. I want to be doing something with my life. I'm sick of being ignored. At this moment, it's just not possible. I can't leave for Chicago until January. It's the best decision, but I hate it. I don't want to be here for five more months. I want to meet new, interesting people. I want to learn and dance and live. I'm sick of doing absolutely nothing. 

I feel empty.

Today I asked Joey if we were to be just friends and how I told him how complicated our relationship was. Of course, he didn't answer. It's just like him to ignore topics that need to be said. I don't mind, us not being together I mean. I realize it's for the better. But, he needs to say it instead of ignoring it like usual. I can only handle topics being ignored for so long. I guess I like making things more awkward than need be.

Cassie and I discussed the "future." She's terrified. She doesn't want to get bored and hate her job or get stuck in a city she doesn't want to stay in. I, on the other hand, am fine with not knowing what is to come. I'm fine with the possible outcome of being "unsuccessful" in life.. whatever that means. I believe success means something different to each person. For instance, Cassie. Making someone happy by entertaining them in a play. Whether she has a small or large role is not the case. She accomplished her goal and that is a success. I don't want my successes to be defined by how much money I make or if I have a family by the time I'm thirty.